Nostalgia (Fernando Pessoa)

Life, an experiential journey taken involuntarily
the spirit travels feeling the world
sitting in my chair, contemplating
I see the world vicariously

I’ve lived without ever having lived
I’ve thought without ever having thought
I’ve danced without ever having danced
taking stillborn adventures calmly

I am sick of what I never had
or likely will ever have
I am sick of gods
always just about to appear

My body bears the wounds
of battles never fought
my muscles are weary
of efforts never wrought

Great unknown lassitude
engulfs me today
I suppress my helpless tears
born of my sick soul

I look at the sky
dull, dumb and empty
as it never ever existed
or will never be there

I sleep when I think
I lie down when I walk
I suffer feeling nothing
my suffering is for nothing

My nostalgia is for nothing
like the sky above
that I do not see
but gaze at impersonally.
***

Note: This is based on Fernando Pessoa’s prose in ‘Livro do Desassossego’
translated from Portuguese into English by Margaret Jull Costa,
p 74-75, Serpent's Tail, London, 1991.

~Ravi
(via sulekha)